Lessons from my daily horoscope:
Interesting news will come from some unexpected places today, and surprises will coming from many different directions. These treats will have a wonderful way of speeding up the day and reminding you that you just never know what the universe has in store for you. So get ready for just about anything — you’ll be surprised at what comes out of peoples’ mouths when you’re really listening.
Brain: Shit, yo, I am so ready for the universe has in store for me! Bring it on, world!
[forgets ever reading this]
PHONE RINGS. The number is listed as unavailable.
Brain: YOU BETTER ANSWER! It’s the universe calling!
Me: …hello?
Caller: Hi, Erica? Just calling to make sure you vote for Chris Coleman tomorrow and [blah blah blah]…
Me: Yeah, thanks, I’ll vote tomorrow.
Brain: What the hell was that? You weren’t really listening. Surprises will never come your way if you can’t even follow astrological directions.
PHONE RINGS AGAIN. The number is listed, but unknown to me.
Me: Hello?
Caller: Is this Erica?
Me: Yes.
Caller: Hi, I’m calling for the [something something league of voters] to remind you to vote for Chris Coleman…
Me: Yeah, don’t worry, I’m voting for him…
Caller: and, also the DFL-endorsed picks for school board, [blah blah blah]…
Me: Yup. I’ll be there!
Brain: Look at what you did again! Had you just listened, he might have thrown a curveball and told you to vote for PAWLENTY! Or something equally ridiculous.
LESSON: People should call me more so I don’t have to fake pretend to listen to voting volunteers in order to make my horoscope work out in my favor. I give today’s horoscope a C-.
