How to Get Me to Read Your Emails, Grandma
homeworkparty:
1. Don’t have “LET’S SEE IF YOU READ THIS” in the title or anything baiting me to respond. You’re not testing my attentiveness at that point, but rather my guilt, and only I can make myself feel guilty.
2. Erase all of the “FWD: Fw: FWD:” from the front of the subject. These alert me that not only is the information you’re sending many times removed from your authorship, but will also require a lot of scrolling work to get to the meat of it.
3. Personalize it. Write a note at the beginning explaining why it’s something I should look at. You must go beyond “Read this and thought of you!” or “SO TRUE!”.
4. Don’t put my name in the subject bar, because that’s a spammer trick and my first instinct is to delete.
5. If the info in the email makes it sound like like we live in a crazy world where crazy people are doing crazy things, check snopes.com to make sure it’s not a myth. I’ve been flashing my brights and using payphones and gas-pumps for years and I still have my health. If your email is about how snopes.com is a liberal sham, check factcheck.org.
6. If it somehow implies that one race, country, sexual orientation, religion, dietary lifestyle, or religion is better than another, I don’t want to see it. I will only find comfort that “Most of the bigots are old and will die soon”, and that makes me sad when it’s you.
7. Don’t send me anything that asks me to send it to 10 other people. If something is worth sharing, I’ll share it. If it’s not, it will die as it deserves to.
8. If you send a mass email with some bad information in it and I respond with links to actual factual information discrediting it, don’t reply “Oh, I just thought you should know!”. Instead, have a complete change of heart and write everyone you sent the bad info and tell them you were wrong and apologize, promising to be more careful in the future.
9. Don’t believe unreliable sources. If someone used to do some wacked-out thing that you disagree with but now they’re on your side they are not somehow more reliable because they’ve “been there”. They’re erratic people with poor judgment skills. There are many people out there who make money off of sowing dissent and while discourse is vital, echoing the extremes serves noone but the pundits and the corporations that pay them.
10. If your email includes photos of kittens, angels, or an American flag; Keep it to yourself. That shit is played out.
This is all completely true.
ALSO, FRIENDS. You should follow Joel at homeworkparty because he is awesome, just trust me on this one.
