Me: Hey internet! My car key won’t turn in my ignition, can you help?
Internet: Oh boy, you’re sure you’re using the right key? Man would that be embarrassing if you weren’t!
Internet: Oh okay, are you absolutely sure your feet are on the clutch and the brake, you know, like every other time you start your car?
Me: Of course, why would I try to start it without doing those things?
Internet: Do I have the trick for you! It’s really simple. You just need to turn your steering wheel a little bit and the key will turn straight away!
Me: I ALREADY KNOW THIS TRICK AND TRIED IT AND NO IT DID NOT WORK.
Internet: You know, this happened to me once. I had a guy tow it and then when I got to the shop, it worked! You should do that.
Me: You have never failed me as much as you have today, old friend.
Friday morning note: after calling the dealership and having almost the exact same conversation, I tried it again and it worked! A black Friday miracle!
- That Steph and I will be giving a presentation on karaoke at Give & Take on December 3? (Karaoke party to follow!)
- That there exists a free program called TunePrompter that helps you make your own karaoke videos?
- That, with the exception of Yahoo! Answers and a few other places, the internet is totally amazing?
Fascinating. Some people aren’t always horrible and babies are amazing!
When there are no gossip magazines available at the gym, I am left to my own devices. (Related: to the person who so kindly donated an issue of Martha Stewart Living from 2005, the hell? That’s what your recycling bin is for.) Without any pictures of starlets to judge, my mind apparently wanders to why I never update my blog and how I used to update it every day in November (NaNoBlogMo!) but how that isn’t going to happen this year because there’s No Time. There’s Never Any Time.
And whenever I say that in my head I say it in the cracked-out voice of Jessie Spano.
Wait, let’s go back. Or forward, rather. The climax of the Jessie Spano freak-out, from Saved by the Bell, is the most known 20 seconds of television among people of my generation. (I have nothing to back this up with, except…well, it has to be, am I right?) Everybody knows the part where Jessie, having succumbed to caffeine pills to cope with the pressures of high school, starts screaming, “I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so…scared!” And then collapses into Zack Morris’ arms. It’s memorable because it’s ridiculous, uncomfortable, and really cheesy.
But that’s not the best part of the freak-out, oh no! The best part is right before that, when Jessie wakes up and is all confused (from the drugs!!) and as she starts to realize what is happening, she wants to wash her hair, but Zack reminds her that there is no time. Cue Jessie, in full freak-out mode (at the 0:50 mark):
No time? There’s never any time! I don’t have time to study! I’ll never get into Stanford! I’ll [incomprehensible due to shitty video] let everyone down! [?] I’m so confused!
This is the best part. Why? Because that shit is real! Real people start to say ridiculous things when they are stressed out and on
drugs caffeine! Real people don’t start breaking out into the Pointer Sisters or any other song to prove their dramatic point. (Also, how did I just notice how weird it is for a very G-rated family show to feature their teen stars, in leotards, singing a song that is pretty blatantly about wanting to do it?)
The first part of this quote remains to this day my best excuse for not doing many of the things I want, sometimes even need, to do. There’s no time! There’s never any time!!
Don’t you worry, I’m still staying sane and sleeping and working out and all that stuff. But I won’t be blogging every day this month like I usually do, and now you know why.