Pretty Things In Nice Packages, And, A Rant
Do you like getting nicely wrapped items in the mail? Do coordinated tissue papers please you? Do sad gray sacks of the wrong shirts from the Gap fill you with dread? Here are some places I recommend:
- Piperlime, they have lots of shoes and free shipping both ways and I have many times repurposed their cards that say something like, “OMG SHOES!” into birthday cards (just cover up that copy writing and add your own note!).
- True, you take a quiz about your bras and your boobs and they send you bras (free shipping! both ways!) in pretty paper and you can try them on at home and return them all! It’s way less sad than going to a dressing room and getting depressed when nothing fits. Something will fit. And if not, you’re at home and wine is nearby.
- StitchFix, you take a survey about your clothing style and click boxes about patterns (NO to animal prints, YES TO STRIPES!) and they send you a pretty box full of mostly pretty clothes and if you keep them all you get a deal but if you don’t you get to say why you’re not keeping that hideous coral jacket, I mean, really, CORAL JACKET UGH and you’ll probably keep something (striped, duh) that you would pass by at the store because it’s too expensive but now it’s in your house and it’s cute! And striped!
And then there is BirchBox. I wanted to try it since I still sometimes feel like half a lady when it comes to beauty products, so I asked for a gift subscription for my birthday. And the boxes! The boxes are so pretty, with their chevron lining and teal tissue. My second box came today and included a granola bar (WHY!) and some eyeliner and dry shampoo. Okay, cool. But it also included a card with “Bright Ideas For A Rainy Day”
Yeah, it basically told me, on very attractive card-stock copy, to read a magazine. The fuck? On the back, there were more tips:
#3: Hit the snooze button and go back to bed.
#9 Think cozy chic: Pull out your oldest, most worn-in sweatshirt.
So in case you are not a human and are not sure of what to do when it rains, try the following: sleep more. Wear a sweatshirt. And read. Maybe you should also wear your yoga pants! Make some soup! Cuddle on the couch with one of your favorite movies!
And this is the long story of why I will never pay any of my own money for this Birchbox bullshit. Now, someone tell me where to buy new make-up.