How To Feed Your Cat
Obtain cat. (and feeding bowls, and litter box, and etc.)
- Feed cat in the normal way: some food in the morning, some food at night.
- Do this for…some years until you reach an untenable situation where the cat wakes you up every morning at like 4 in the goddamn morning and you KNOW you shouldn’t just feed her cause like, THAT’S WHAT SHE WANTS, but your choice is feeding her a little so she’ll STFU or not sleeping forever and the latter choice is not okay.
- Research automatic cat feeders. Splurge on one that costs like $150 (ridiculous!!!) because the reviews for the $50 ones tell you’re that they’re all shite.
- Long story short, that thing is SOOOOO WORTH IT and it gives both you and your cat happiness for …some more years.
- Realize that at 7.5 years together, your relationship with your cat is the longest you’ve had. Realize this in the process of getting married.
- People ask, “How’s married life?” with this sort of wink and a nudge and truthfully it’s mostly the same but I figured out what is different and that is that we got a tiny bit lazy and BUGS TOOK OVER. First, it was the fruits flies, but WORSE, a bunch of tiny tiny ants decided this cat food/automatic feeder thing was the best thing ever.
- Long story short, for us (but mostly me) it is the worst thing ever because the feeder had tiny tiny ants hidden in every crevice and I had to banish it to the garage until I get over my fear that they won’t come back. (They are gone! But they could come back! Shudder!)
- Wake up every day at 4am because the cat is scratching your bed and won’t shut up while your husband just sleeps through EVERYTHING and think about feeding her so she’ll shut up. Read some advice on this, the most helpful being, “Get an automatic cat feeder!” Understand you shouldn’t just give in to feeding her, but again, that means no sleep.
- Compromise on banishing her to the porch from 4-6am every morning. She meows loudly but if you turn on the fan you can’t hear a thing and she still loves you later.